Monday, July 16
The last 2 months has really been hectic. Weeks filled with sadness and angst.
Many loved ones passed on this month - Arwah Traz, Jejaka 21, my uncle Harun, Ewin's dad, my best friend June's dad and now my Pak Ngah has safely met his Creator yesterday morning at 9.20 am.I pray that his soul be blessed and he be placed with the people of faith.Amin.
It was saddening to see my Mak Ngah. At the age of 79, with her near blindness vision it was heart wrenching that when i hugged her before I went back yesterday she asked me who i was,i broke down. I cried. I hugged her,I kissed her hands and her forehead. The last time I saw her was a few weeks ago at my Uncle Harun's funeral. My Mak Ngah and arwah Pak Ngah were the most closest couple amongst my mum siblings. They would hold hands, they were each others guide. As my arwah Pak Ngah still has a pretty good vision and strong legs and my Mak Ngah has poor vision and she is 'bongkok', my Pak Ngah became her eyes and support. Almost 55 years of marriage and suddenly your soulmate pass away. It's like losing a part of you. It's like losing a limb.
My Mak Ngah told me not to forget her. I never will. I promise myself that. Sometimes I ask myself, what if the same thing happen to me and hubby? Can I be as strong as my Mak Ngah, my Cik Piah, Ewin's mum and June's mum? I try to put myself in their shoes and I know that I can never pull off something like what they had done. Show courage and strength even in their darkest hour. Hubby told me many times that if we were to pass on, he'd rather it be him to pass on first than me. Cos he couldn't bear to live without me. I had always thought that I can live without hubby. But now, I am beginning to think that I am not up to it. I leave that in the hands of the Almighty. I will try to be as courageful and as strong as all the wonderful women in my life have been.
On a lighter note, a week ago my dad said that he wants to listen to the Ipod Nano he found. I had uploaded some old songs into it. And guess what? Cute lah sey, he was humming/singing the song Andainya Aku Pergi Dulu by The Alleycats but its all out of tune. And he doesn't know the lyrics so he was just humming and singing it all wrongly and differently. Me and my brother laughed our asses off in the kitchen. Sometimes as much as he piss us off he is still our father. And there has been time where he is awfully sweet.
Sometimes I think that life is simply too precious to life it hating other people. But sometimes we can't stop hating people. It's not because we want to... it's them who created a rift between them and us. So how do we deal with this feeling? As for me, I don't really pay attention to haters. And when i hate someone, I won't even as much as talk to them or want to know about them. I'm no poser but when the time comes, oh yeah I can be a snake with 10 million faces. hehe. The haters I have now are the clan of tongue waggers who are family. I salam them, I smile cos I was just looking after my parents' waterface. I do not wanna be labelled as kurang ajar or mak bapak tak didik jadi manusia punya orang. I wanna uplift my parents' pride and name. I'm not like them who salam me with a muka tak suka. I smile cos senyum tu kan sedekah, anggap kita bersedekah pada orang yg tak mampu nak senyum. It is a pahala kan ? And well to the extremist haters, I simply brush them off. I do not need them. Who needs haters when you're surrounded by lovers? Betul tak ?
Well.. life is too short. And i choose to love...never hate. I choose to embrace the people around me and most of all at this age, i am utmost first and foreall looking for friends..never enemies.
To those who messed or want to mess with me... pls stop. I don't entertain such antics. And ultimately, it's way beyond our age limit to be playing these kinda games. And once you have messed and ruffled my feathers, you know that it would take just a short while for me to ruffle yours and turn it into a big ball of unnamed thingy. Lol.
Can't wait for the 21st. Yummy... Al Ameen.. miLo dinosauR...ice Cream praTa...yummmm...
Lapar lah,nak pi makan!!
Outs!!
Feathers
7/16/2007 06:20:00 PM
